Do YOU understand REAL English?

THIS is textbook English:

John: I used to weigh 225 pounds, but I lost 150 pounds on a fantastic diet!
Tom: That's amazing! How did you do that?
John: It was simple! I ate healthy food and went to the gym many times.
Tom: I'm very jealous! I need to lose weight too!

THIS is REAL English:

John: I once weighed a deuce and a quarter, but shed a buck fifty on an awesome diet!
Tom: Seriously?! How'd you pull that off?!
John: It was a piece of cake! I ate right and busted my ass at the gym!
Tom: You're the man! I need to get rid of my own fat tire!

REAL English speakers use slang, quotes from movies and TV,
and often DON'T use grammatically correct, textbook English.