.jpg)
NEW AGER:
The
art of effective communication doesn't begin with talking, it begins with
listening. How often, during a conversation, have you realized that the person
you're talking to isn't really listening to what you say, but instead just
waiting for you to stop talking, so that they can start talking? Do you
know what I'm talking about? They don't make much eye contact, they
fidget, their body language is cold and uninterested in fact it seems they've
got something else on their mind. You see, listening isn't just something
you do with your ears it's something you do with your mind, your body and your
soul.
NEW AGER:
If
someone wants to talk to you about a problem, first of all make sure you have
enough time to listen. Listening takes time, sometimes lots of it, and
you're not really helping your friend if you have to rush off after ten
minutes. This, in a way, makes listening an act of kindness- you're giving
your time to someone, and asking for nothing in return. Use your natural body
language and expression to show your friend that you really want to listen. Lean
in, nod, make eye contact.
NEW AGER:
As your friend gets things off his or her chest, make interested noises at appropriatemoments. Hmm?
Mmm.
Mmhmm? If your friend pauses, or stops talking for a while,don't be afraid to wait for him or her to continue.
NEW AGER:
Be
patient. Let your friend think, and don't interrupt impatiently. If
your friend does need help to express themselves try to summarize what he or
she's been saying, using phrases like... So, what you're saying is... In
other words, you feel that... Or, you can encourage your friend to continue
talking with a few quiet, considerate phrases... Go on... Tell me more... And
then what happened? Listening to someone's problems isn't like being a
doctor.
NEW AGER:
A
doctor listens, makes a diagnosis, then dispenses medicine or advice. Sometimes
your friend might not want advice; sometimes he or she might just want to
'think out loud', in other words, to talk about the problem to a listener. This
can help them make their own diagnosis. And you can help your friend to do
this not just by listening, but by empathizing. I know how you must
feel...
NEW AGER:
It
must have been awful.... Oh, poor you! What a shame! In fact, it's
often better not to give advice, unless your friend asks for it directly. Sometimes
just listening is enough to both make them feel better and help them make the
right decision. One other thing you can do is this.
NEW AGER:
Every
conversation has a subtext. Ask yourself: what is my friend really trying
to say? What's the real reason for this conversation? Read, or should I
say, listen between the lines. Sometimes what isn't said is more important
than what is.