Ahhh, a new year has begun. How are you feeling?
Optimistic? Hopeful? Energised? Can’t wait to sink your teeth into
new projects and work with new collaborators?
(”sink your teeth into something” is an idiomatic expression that means to
be completely involved in something). I know the feeling. I have just started working with a
new team and I am loving it.
It’s a wonderful feeling when you can bounce your ideas off (share
your ideas with) other people, especially if you run your own business and
work on your own most of the time (like me).
The recipe to successful teamwork is not just about the work you do
together. It’s also about the human relationship you have with each other. What
do I mean by human relationship? I mean the connection you develop with the
person NOT just with their role.
No one wants to feel they’re just a function. There is a person behind that
job title who has feelings, hobbies, interests and a life outside work. They
have a lot more they can contribute than just work.
But how do you get behind that professional persona?
By engaging with them.
The first step to meaningful engagement is through small talk.
For those of you who’ve been following my blog, you’ll know I am a
huge fan of the precious value small talk has in our professional
lives. If you’re to succeed in business, you must develop strong
bonds with people whether those bonds are with your co-workers,
superiors, customers or clients.
And these strong bonds start with small talk – that apparently superficial chit chat that occurs outside and around the ‘more important’ business
discussions.
Many people try and avoid small talk for a number of reasons. It could be:
·
cultural (you’re from a culture that considers small talk
a waste of time);
·
you’re an introvert and find
small talk excruciatingly difficult;
·
you simply don’t know what to say, especially in English;
·
you don’t know where to start;
·
you don’t want to talk about things you’re not interested
in.
Feel free to add to this list.
The point is though…small talk is
inevitable, and looked at positively, is an excellent way of
finding out what ‘sits behind’ the other person’s professional persona.
In a previous post I shared 10 tips on how you can
master the art of small talk.
In this post, I want to add a few more suggestions on how you could captivate at small
talk in English and truly engage with your conversation partner.
#1 Share anecdotes
There’s nothing better than sharing stories or anecdotes with someone. That
shows the other person that you can relate to what they’re saying or have
experienced. That forms a bond.
For example, if your partner says he or she spent time living in another
country and you did as well, share a story or two about your years abroad.
You’ll most likely encourage the other person to tell you about some similar
memories.
#2 Allow the other person to teach you
If you’re not familiar with a subject, be honest and ask the other person
to explain a little more. The chances are they’ll be delighted to go into more
detail and you get to learn something new. If you’re an inquisitive (curious)
person, you’ll love it.
This goes back to the idea of letting other people do most of the
talking. Asking other people to explain what they mean might prompt them
to talk for a few more minutes and it takes the pressure off you for a while.
#3 Practise with everyone you meet
If small talk is outside your comfort zone, practise small talk with
everyone you meet. It could be with the barista at your favourite coffee bar,
with your dry cleaner when you pick up your dry cleaning, or with your
hairdresser’s.
Even if this practice is in your own language, it will allow you to start
feeling comfortable with striking up (starting) and maintaining
interesting conversations.
What you can then do is imagine having these conversations in English and
recording them.
#4 Copy good conversationalists
If you watch talk shows or listen to podcasts, listen to the talk show
hosts and their guests.
Try to remember the kinds of questions they ask, how they follow up on the
other person’s answers, and even how they make use of silence.
One of my favourite talk show hosts is Graham Norton on the BBC. He knows how to make his guests feel comfortable and
engage with him freely.
#5: Talk about something that happened to you
Instead of asking a stranger you meet at a conference or someone you don’t
know that well a question, you could start the conversation by telling
them something that happened to you earlier in the day.
This allows the person to ask you a question or add what they know to the
topic. For example, you could say: “I had the funniest conversation with my son this morning”.
If you’re a social media user and often post comments about your
experiences, you could use those as an example.
# 6: Introduce some of your past failures
Have you noticed that when people talk about their successes and
accomplishments, the reaction from the other person is a simple nod of the
head and mumbled “Congratulations”? The conversation soon fades away.
However, when we share our past failures they feel more comfortable.
Not because they’re happy you’ve failed, but because these failures resonate
with them too.
For example,
“I was in a presentation the other day. I raised my hand to ask a question
and when the presenter invited me to ask it, my mind went completely blank! I
spent the next couple of minutes talking about anything and everything
frantically trying to remember my question so as not to look a complete
idiot. What a nightmare.”
This will get a lot of laughs as people will relate to these moments of
sudden blankness and start sharing their stories too. They’ll also feel
relieved that it doesn’t just happen to them.
#7: Know that you’re not alone
I think this is so important. You’re not the only one who finds small talk
uncomfortable, even more so in English. Some people may look confident but deep
down they’re struggling and have worked hard to improve their small talk
skills. So don’t think it’s just you and don’t feel ashamed if you find it hard
to engage in small talk. You will improve with time – one tiny step at a time.
Thanks for reading and listening. Ciao for now. Shanthi