Not
everyone wants a job. Maybe you’re having fun living at home, nicking
Dad’s beer and eating Mum’s cooking. Or, perhaps you fancy the girl down
the dole office. So, here’s how to blow that all important interview in 8 easy
steps.
1. Don’t turn
up on time. Employers hate this; it ensures that everyone else’s
interview is late and makes them wait around twiddling their thumbs. And,
don’t phone to say you’re late, I mean, they’re not paying for your credit are
they?
2. Don’t
prepare before the interview. Don’t read the company’s website or about
the industry you’re trying to join. I mean, they should know that stuff; why
are they asking you?
3.
Make a joke. It puts everybody at ease and shows
you’re a fun guy or gal. And, if it’s really offensive, then you show you
can laugh at anyone. Even the people interviewing you.
4.
Don’t dress smartly. T-shirt, trainers and a
baseball cap show you’re the kind of fit, go getter who’s going to go straight
out of the interview and kick a ball around the park. Only geeks wear ties.
5. Show the
interview panel just how flexible you are in the work place…by slouching in
your chair.
6. Don’t turn
your mobile off. If it doesn’t bleep they’ll think you’re a Billy no
mates.
7. Be
completely upfront about your work needs. It’s only fair. I mean,
you’re not going to accept a job that expects you to work late on a Friday or
come in if you have a hangover on Monday.
8. Let’s face it, the job’s going to be boring, so
enliven your interview by talking about your partner, de-worming your cat, and
who’s winning X factor on the telly. And, tut if the interview panel ask you to
answer their questions. What are they? Your dad or something?
www.bespokejokebloke.co.uk